Wednesday, November 9, 2011

En-light-ened!



So, this little lady shares a one bedroom apartment with the lovely Marissa and so in the mornings when I get ready before the crack of dawn I turn the hall light on so I can see into our room to gather my clothes to get changed.


If you know me you know that it is rare that my clothes hang in a closet or folded anywhere let alone the dresser drawers. I keep my clothes in a laundry basket (or beside it depending on my mood) at the end of my bed.


The laundry basket is wonderful because when I go home to Sherwood Park or to Canmore I simply pick it up and put it in my Jeep.


Though some light is shed into the room it is difficult to tell what shirt is which, if my clothes are dirty or where the heck that belt went to. The bottom of the hamper is churned up like I was mixing flour into butter. The bottom of the contents are scooped under my hands and brought to the top or perhaps just dumped onto the bed (though this is not my preference).


Every time I have to send a search party for my basic black tee and a pair of clean knickers I think to my self:


"Lord, this is what life is like when I don't invest into our relationship. I know you're here, I can even feel you but if I just had a little more light, a little more perspective, a little more understanding I would be able to see what I have my hands into and execute this plan with a little more stealth and grace"


Sometimes I live life the difficult way but not on purpose and then I'm angry when it doesn't make sense.


I clearly can't turn the bedroom light on when Marissa is sleeping but I do have access to more knowledge when it come to Christ.


My friend Chantelle recently posted this on her facebook as her status:



I liked this query.


I'm not sure why groping a full laundry basket in the dark reminds me to read my Bible and to sit with God but it does.


When I open those scriptures the light turns on.


Speaking of my roommate and open flames. Way to go on lighting your hair on fire today. Sad I missed it.


Love to y'all,


Meaghan Ellen


XOXO





Friday, November 4, 2011

Quarter-life crisis, not an option.

So I have been longing to blog these days but haven't had a. the motivation, b. the time (?) not true... or c. inspiration or d. all of the above.

Do you remember that choice on multiple choice tests? It always felt like a trick but then again every time I am asked a question I feel like I am being tricked or tested.

There's a new one for Halloween "trick or test"...





child 1 "I got so much candies in my bag last night!"





child 2 "luuuckyyy. All I got were these Chinese finger traps and pregnancy tests"





...not my best idea...





moving on.





There are many things (besides blogging) that I have been wanting to do these days and my routine this year has been to write it down when I find something that I want to do so that I can remember to accomplish it. I have a list of places I want to go, a list of general things I want to do and then there is THE list.





As some of you may know from either reading it in here in an earlier post or from me taking incessantly about it, I have developed a list of 25 things I want to do in my 25th year.





The rules are the night before my birthday I had to compile the list and make no changes to it after the clock struck midnight. Once the list is made I have to do everything on the list no ifs ands or buts. I made the list with two of my best friends as consultants and took some of their suggestions but left most of them out (you girls know why.)





I have to say this list has truly changed my life. I don't know if it's the sense of accomplishment I get from completing the goals or if it is the realization that I needed to do something about living in the now. I never live in the now. I spend my time regretting the past and mostly anticipate the future. Even if I am enjoying what I am doing in the present, I'm thinking about what's next never really savouring what I once wished for; the moment I actually have.





My list has not only allowed me to plan and accomplish the things that pass me by with time and conquer the things that I fear but it let's me enjoy the moments. When I'm crossing something off the 25 I take joy in that moment. YES! I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, THIS DAY, THIS YEAR!





Not only does this give me joy but 6 other people have been inspired to do the challenge for their birthdays this year too. I love hearing people excitedly tell me how awesome they think the list is and then tell me what they plan to do for their year.

Though I cannot take credit for the idea of the list I do get to see people motivated to dream, motivated to overcome and motivated to take joy in the now. I tell people everywhere I go about my 25 things in my 25th and it empowers me even more to keep checking things off.





This year, by far, has been the best year of my life. The crumpled ink marked page with things crossed off in a little book cannot take sole responsibility for this though. It is knowing this:





"This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24 (a quote from the Bible, God's written word)





God doesn't promise me tomorrow, he doesn't even promise me my next breath. He wants me to take seriously each tick on the clock that I have, not the ones that I don't have. Though a lot of items on my checklist are not serious, some of them are.





Matthew 6:27 says: "who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?". I sure can't and as a self proclaimed worrier I need to buckle down and take my moments as I have them.

Don't get me wrong. Worrying about the future is different than planning for the future. Worrying about the past is different than learning from the past.


So as I enjoy the ending of my vacation with the lovely Anna I am thrilled to have accomplished 6/25. I wanted to blog at least once on this time off and I've done it. Pictures and stories re the great Cali/Arizona escape to come.


Thanks for stopping by!


Yours truly,


Meaghan Ellen

Monday, August 15, 2011

It's like

I thought about you today
I remembered you when it was, pouring rain
water droplets chasing each other round the pane
It's like you had me in mind

Oh it's like you love me
Oh it's like you care
And when I see this all around me
It's like my doubt isn't there

I've got to hand it to you
I love the fall it's how I'm moved
Trees being stripped just to be made new
It's like you had me in mind

Oh it's like you love me
Oh it's like you care
And when I see this all around me
It's like my doubt isn't there

At the top of this mountain view
It's not invisible to you
Not a word in this great big outdoor living room
It's like you had me in mind
It's like your hand is in mine

Oh it's like you love me
Oh it's like you care
And when I see this all around me
It's like my doubt isn't there


Monday, August 8, 2011

falling again



This week I am back at the office filling in on my days off from the cottage. I am in reminiscent mode of when I first came to Calgary in the fall and things, rather a feeling, is washing back over me. I stifle a smile and roll my eyes up as if the memories are in the top right corner of the room.

Summer had gone and I was starting to absorb the fullness of autumn. Change was the title, uncertainty the thesis statement and the cursor was blinking on the proverbial page. There, then not. There, then not. Waiting for me to start typing. Something.Anything. But how do you write your life when you don't know what the hell you are doing?

I adore fall, it is my favorite season and mostly because it makes me pensive. Something rises in me. Something art, something creative. Fall changes me. It rearranges the furniture in my heart. Furniture that has always been there but looks fresh when you move it around. Perspective is funny that way, isn't it.

Often fall adds a new rug to the collection or decides to omit the antique lamp that was never turned on in all the years it's been dawning the space I lived within.

Where, I wonder, do those pieces go? To another living room or to the dump? Is some of my new collection recylced to me like the gorgeous vintage coffee table of 2009? Is someone missing it or were they glad to see that part of their life go. It inspires me and I hope it will always "work" in my space.

Fall forcibly changes me. It is out of my hands and I look forward to that. It's silly but I prefer it that way. What will it bring me this year?

Last year I think it brought me choice. I sat on choice for a while and am now wearing it in slowly. Like a big chesterfield brown with big orange flowers.


I like it now that it has grown on me and my space wouldn't be the same without it. I'm comfortable with it being there and the tacky pattern no longer intimates me. Its familiar and I am in charge because it knows I will have it covered in an instant with fresh polka dot fabric if I choose to.

I am hoping this year fall will bring me a love seat. One with deep cushions you can sink into and doesn't mind when you do.


I can hear my granmothers voice in my head "don't flop on the furniture!"...


"I'm not" I'd say. "I'm falling".

Sunday, July 31, 2011

My 25 in my 25th.


Hi friend,

All caught up on my previous posts? Great!

Have I told you that I have challenged myself to do a list of 25 things in my 25th year?

Truth be told, I need your help to accomplish some of them. You in? Awesome!

Theses are the things that are left on my list that I'm going to need help with:

-touch a snake (Do you have a snake?) (..oh you..please try and be appropriate)
-help on a farm for a day (do you have a farm?)
-volunteer for a day (do you have an organization I've never helped out with before?)
-learn to make sushi (do you know how to make sushi or would like to go sushi-ing with me?)

I know what you are thinking, that's only 4 tasks, have you completed 21 so far?

negatory, these are just the things I need help with.

Things I've completed are:

-belaying
-get a facial
-go to dance class
-go hiking

There are others I don't need help with that aren't completed:

-go on a vacation
-buy five colored shirts to add to my wardrobe of black, grey and all things neutral
-read the Bible in its entirety
-finish my weight loss goal
-go surfing
-go sea kayaking
-get a tattoo

I know what you are thinking again! (no, I'm not couins with Chris Angel)

I haven't put the whole list up as some of them are personal.

I will keep you posted though on progress if you like.

Let me know if you can help!

Meaghan Ellen


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Wish you were here


I'm here all the way in the Northwest Territories on a Canadian staycation. It wasn't planned this way but it's how it turned out.

You see, I should be in Calgary cleaning up children's vomit and snuggling babies but alas I am enjoying the sun and warmth of familiar faces in Hay River.

Sometimes you don't realize you needed a rest until rest happens and you are overjoyed by the silence of a house, uninterrupted sleep, scheduling nothing but visiting and being freed from any routine commitments.

I'm not sure I ever have wanted this so much in my life as I do now. A sure sign I am growing old. That and shift work is hard. A sure sign I have a real job.

Normally, when planning a trip, I cram every last moment with something in hopes of not being let down by "nothingness". Nothing is what I am here to do.

It's a good chance to catch up on sleeping, reading, resting, playing the piano in a sanctuary of none, indulging in girly magazines (I'm so into the denim trend ladies), excercise and just being. Oh, and I guess blogging. My true love is to just be (not to be confused with Anna's true love, doing).

Do you ever feel like your whole life is so crazy that even your body is out of sync. Perhaps it's not just the busy of your world but the stress or the worry or the perpetual planning. Shift work has made my stomache say "I don't know if I'm hungry, what time of day is it again?", my eyes look caved in and darkened, my skin puffy and my intestines preparing for world war 3 (I have colitis, I'm not trying to be unlady-like and gross).

It's like running so hard trying to reach a destination and when it finally approaches the brakes on your feet fail you. You just keeping running because that's all your body has known and has been pushed to do for the last however long.

This is seemingly new to me and I feel resilient bouncing back but I just wonder what kind of effect this would have on someone if it were their whole life? It certainly has made me appreciate this week off so much more. I feel like I have won the lottery. Cue game show music *You have just won a brrrrannnd new 12 hour drive to the middle of no where canadaaaaaaaaaaaa. For some you think this is crazy. For me it is really true bliss.

I know this isn't my typical type of blogging but in the spirit of getting back into the things that make me relax I hope you can appreciate this post for what it is (a little bit off, a little bit serious, a little bit like its 8 in the morning and my body won't allow me to be in bed anymore as it's all I've done in the last 30-ish hours)

I'm sure once I have wiped the smug look of my face from feeling like I have escaped normal life and they can't find me in paradise, I'll start asking myself stupid questions or a playful squirrel will inspire more blogging.

I'm not going to end now with a charge for you to seize the day or any crap like that. Get things done on your list, there's a time for everything.

Glad to be back,

Meaghan xoxo

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Like a Child

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11

The other day at Winners whilst I was perusing the racks (of clothes), a slippery shirt dropped of the hanger. As I crouched down to grab it and as I looked up, I felt an old familiar feeling. Surrounded, hidden and smitten.

When I was a kid, I loved to hide in the clothes racks from other shoppers. When they would pass me by and I'd go unnoticed, I got this butterfly tingly feeling in my stomach and would think "yes, hehe! They didn't see me". I was an espionage of sorts or maybe just plain old sneaky and depending on the season, I may had just literally pulled the wool over their eyes. The round clothes racks were the best because they gave a full circle coverage.

The only full circle coverage I get these days are from my bra.

Funny though how one small thing can bring you back to a feeling, a state or place you've been or once dreamed you would be. Maybe it's sparked by a conversation with an old friend or an object from your childhood.

I like to buy candy I once enjoyed as a kid to make me feel small and innocent again. Coconut aroma anything brings me to past summers and certain songs to past love interests.

The most surprising is when you pass a stranger in the crowd and you catch a scent of perfume and it reminds you of someone you knew. I close my eyes and think of that person even if for only that moment or longer if I choose.

Maybe it's one single word that can trigger a whole reel of emotion. Sometimes it's blissful and other times it's evasive. Your day is carrying on as normal as a day in your life can be and something small, even unmentionable picks you up out of the present and tosses you backwards into a stream of guilt or embarrassment. It's about a conversation you shouldn't have had, the time you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and the worst, a misunderstanding you never could fix. You're tortured again by what you've done or haven't done. What you've said or haven't said. Who you were or who you weren't.

It's silly, really, but I love a good unexpected trip via time travel. I'd like to collect these moments but that's sort of the beauty of them. They come and go as they please.

I wish sometimes I could crawl on the cold tile floor under organized garments (hopefully long and almost to the floor like coats) and tuck my feet in as close to my body as I can. Hugging my knees tightly and slowing my breath I'd be once again be a child.

...Until of course my mom would then find me and it would just be...


game over.


!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Church Obesity

I went for an early spring jog the other day since I could see the pavement. I don't know why but when spring approaches and the pavement clears of snow, I get an overwhelming urge to lay down on it and maybe even give it a kiss. Perhaps I thought if I tried running I might get a version of that experience if I tripped.

Anyways, as I was lightly jogging (I don't want to exaggerate and say I was running just for the sake of a good post) I saw other people doing the same (okay, they were running). They were real runners though. You can tell by what they are wearing. Usually a little cap, fitted pants to the ankles and a bright jacket that rounds about their bum. I thought to myself "self, why is that you never see really obese people running? You always just sort of see the fit ones doing it" (though I was out and about prancing around the side walks in my non-running clothes a.k.a not fitted joggers and my jacket that sticks, not rounds, to my bum)

I came to the conclusion it is for the same reason that only really busy people who already serve themselves dry in the Church are always the ones to volunteer their tired selves again and again.

Church obesity.

One last thing I discovered on my outdoor excursion is that if you run downhill it makes you look way more athletic than you really are. That and I think I have shin splints.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Death by Life

So here I sit, updating you lovely folk on my adventures.

It's now March (welcome) and I am embracing it with open arms and a full heart. Every month forward from when winter begins is a month closer to spring.

At my new job, I get every 7th week off so this week I have been "vacationing" in Edmonton. I've been visiting, sleeping, tanning, working out, eating and spending much needed time with my grandparents.

I can't help to think one day I'll wish it were today again when I can see them, touch them, hear them and smell the familiar smell of the house I know will go away when they do.


Death is not a topic we refrain from in our family. We know each others wishes (yes mom, we will bury your damn dogs with you) and it's a conversation that frequents our table talk. Today at the restaurant my mom was encouraging my papa (grandpa) to finish the sailboat he starting building years ago that (insert my gaggy (grandma)) "just sits in our bloody garage". My papa told my mom he plans to finish it. Either that or convert it into his coffin. I laughed heartily and we all rolled our eyes because we all know very well he wants to be cremated. A funny joke to probably just our table. More wine anyone?

Anyways. I am very much alive but I said to my family today, "just so you all know (since I realized I hadn't expressed it before) I'd like a coffin and a grave". They hope to never have to worry about those details since they think they should be long gone by the time it is my turn but "you never know". You simply never know.

I'd like a white coffin.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Calgary Culture 101

So I have decided I am going to give Calgary the chance it deserves.

Like any awkward person you meet, you may have to give them time to bloom out of their closed bud. Perhaps though, in this situation, I am the closed bud.

I am going to experiment with what I call "Calgary Culture 101". This is an independent self study but friends are welcome to join. I am hoping that through this little debacle, new friends will be made.

While lazily thumbing through the Herald at work (you needn't worry, the kids were sleeping) I came across a little insert magazine. Swerve. Check it out: http://swervecalgary.com/

I found that there are indeed lots of things I'd like to do in Calgary and to explore it like I would if I went on a vacation to another city. There are people who come to Calgary (I know, it's hard to believe) to find and seek out it's culture so I should do the same.

So far I've found a really lovely cafe. http://www.tmdish.com/what.html They have really delicious food and you can either stay in or take it out. They have yummy veggie dishes, eclectic cold salads and a chai latte that I will frequent often.

Today I am going to go to a film festival viewing. The film is called "The Waiting City". So though it is scary to venture to the trendy part of town alone, I will go.

I am also going to give a large Church's young adults service a try. It's going to be touch and go but a I'm meeting a friend from work so that eases my pain.

Let me know what you would seek out in a new city

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Cheese, Chicken, being a Christian, Suicide and Socks

Hey fellers!

So I have to tell you this no cheese thing is going great except that I keep forgetting pizza has cheese on it. Stupid staff meeting (best mistake ever).

I'm pressing on, however, towards the goal.

Today in the oven I slid a chicken with yams, onions, red peppers, carrots and whole peppercorns (see? no cheese)

I am house sitting for my aunt in her BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL home. I enjoy sliding around in my socks, red wine in the Jacuzzi tub, no one to tell me not to walk around/cook naked (the neighbours might but I can't hear you la la la la la) and most of all a big kitchen where I can cook my heart out.

I love living with my Dimas family but being alone gets me excited about being a home owner in the distant future when I grow up.

In other news, I did my grocery shopping at T n T (Asian) supermarket today. This gets me excited about saving money to travel.

I was taking a suicide prevention course for work today and the market was right next door. The course is very interesting and my mind is reeling a mile a minute about everything we discuss. Being a Christian adds so many dynamics to any topic of discussion.

Speaking of being a Christian... unrelated to my course, a man asked me if I was a Catholic today at the market. I said no, I am a Christian. His response: "just a Christian?"... It was delightful to hear. My reply with a grin on my face "yes, just a Christian". So nice to just be what I am and nothing else. No frills, no fancy, just a Christian. God and I will chat about it later and find ways for me to just be what he's always wanted me to be. "Just" a Christian. So lovely to think about.

Sad news for My NWT loves, I had to unexpectedly cancel my trip at the end of the month. I was looking forward to seeing you all. I'd like to reschedule for sunny summer. Is that okay my lovelies?

Anyways...

Love to you all.

Wish you could enjoy my chicken a la nude.

XOXO

Friday, February 11, 2011

cutting (out) the cheese

I know you came here for a good story. Perhaps a little laugh. Maybe even some inspiration.

You won't find it here today.

Today, I tell you about my cheese.

I love cheese. Cheese of all sorts, shapes and sizes. Little cheese and Big cheese alike. The only cheese I do not like is blue. Because it stinks (pu, in french (sounds like poo with a snobby accent).

I've been eating decently (well...) in general and strutting around the gym 8 days a week and feel like I just need some more results. Ergo I have decided to give up the love of my life for a month.

I'm on day three and have already forgotten pizza has cheese on it (twas a small small piece and one bite in my eyes widened and I thought to myself "whoops, how did this cheese get on here"). You'll be proud to know I picked the queso off and ate the disgruntled crust. fine. It was I who was disgruntled.

I don't take this decision lightly. I remember wedding dress shopping with my best friend listening intently to the dress fitter tell us of how she lost 50 pounds. I said "how did you do it so I can too". She politely asked me "what is your biggest food weakness?". The rest is history.

Anywhosen, there it is folks, the newest news I have to offer.

Oh, and I'm going up North for a visit in a week.

Love to you all.

Meaghan minus cheddar

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Groundhog Day

So now that I work at the Cottage I don't have as much time to blog. Nor time to think about what to blog.

The one REALLY great thing about night shift is that I sleep all day, get up to go to the gym and then go to work. I hardly spend a dime on anything including gas.

Next week I'm back to days and coordinating going out in the day light is a little less exhausting both physically and mentally.

Nights are pretty quiet. Some kids get up to pee (others just do it in their beds) or cry for a bottle. It makes days at work seem like a breeze except that my body is confused whether it is day or night right now.

Other than that life is normal here in Calg. I'm just waiting for spring.

Happy Groundhog Day!

So now that I work at the Cottage I don't have as much time to blog. Nor time to think about what to blog.

The one REALLY great thing about night shift is that I sleep all day, get up to go to the gym and then go to work. I hardly spend a dime on anything including gas.

Next week I'm back to days and coordinating going out in the day light is a little less exhausting both physically and mentally.

Nights are pretty quiet. Some kids get up to pee (others just do it in their beds) or cry for a bottle. It makes days at work seem like a breeze except that my body is confused whether it is day or night right now.

Other than that life is normal here in Calg. I'm just waiting for spring.

Happy Groundhog Day!

...get it? Groundhog day ... the movie? ...bah, you're too young...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Being a key-per

Since I was young I have always loved keys. I loved that a key had to fit a lock and a lock had to fit a key. I have key ornaments, old little keys, new big keys, a key charm on my bracelet and a key notebook. The Indian in the cupboard was magic alive not because the toy comes to life but because the key fit the cupboard.

If you are a girl (or a very feminine boy), you may have had one of those diaries that had a lock and came with two keys. This was prize possession of mine.

My mother bought me one as a reward for studying hard for a really big spelling test. She had never persuaded me with gifts before (though my allowance came in the form of Dino sours instead of cash, which in my opinion explains a lot for me) when it came to studying. She was determined to get me to memorize the whole list and if I had learned them perfectly before the test, she would buy me the diary.

The diary came from Wilson's stationary, my favorite store as a kid. I loved looking at the fresh note pads, all the pens, labels and especially the stamps. I'm not sure what it is about office supplies but it seemed exhilarating to me. Don't get me started on till tape calculators with the big pushable buttons. Anyways, I got the diary for studying (though I still remember the grade two test didn't go perfectly as I had misspelled one of the words I had never got wrong studying) but was extremely disappointed the day I found out that...the keys, in their miniature glory, could in fact...open any of those diaries.

Why have a lock and key if the keys can fit any other similar diary out there? My secrets were not safe and I was also disappointed when I found out if you reefed hard enough on the lock it would just pop open...

My intent on posting about keys was never about the diary but I just remembered the pain so I thought I would share.

As I was locking the house behind me today, I felt something I had never felt before.

My key chain was light.

I counted the keys. One, two, three, four. Earlier that morning I gave back two of my keys as I am now done at my other job. four? that's it? I flipped through the ring. Car key, house key, gaggys key (my grandmother) and most pathetically a key to my steering wheel lock I never use.

In Bible College I remember a professor sharing that it is usually the case that if a person has a lot of keys, they also hold a lot of responsibility. I was quite proud then and my key ring was booming with more than a dozen little puzzle pieces looped securely onto solid coiled metal. Church keys, work keys, many peoples house keys, keys to mails boxes and gates. My starter on my car was not safe as I was once scolded.

People when they saw my stash of keys would comment "whoa! you have a lot of keys" or "what are all those for?" Me? I would say casually, "oh just some house keys and work keys. Some of these I don't even know what they are for anymore". Now? pff, measly. It's like my key chain has scurvy.

I wondered this morning if it were true. Do I have less responsibility? Is there a key to importance ratio? (assuming responsibility equals importance). No, I do not work at a Church anymore. I don't live in a city where I know as many people to just freely walk into their houses. I don't have a key for work (though I am working) and no gate is waiting for me to be it's opener.

Maybe in the eyes of fellow peers I don't have much status, especially in any Church community or organization anymore (though none have commented or am I insinuating I am looked down upon in any way). I'm not climbing any corporate ladder or gaining social status but responsibility I do have. I am responsible for myself. For the things I say and do and how I portray Christ. That, is a huge responsibility I have willingly taken on. So I have concluded that great responsibility starts with myself and that I want to be faithful with what I already have.

..and that makes me a keeper in at the least the eyes of Jesus and hopefully yours too.

Love,

Meaghan

xoxo

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Great Big Outdoor Living Room

I've been itching to get outside (kind of). In the north ALL my friends wanted to do was be in the great outdoors to which I used to protest. I feel I've changed (for the better) and am wishing I had some friends in Calgary who would say "lets do something outside". I am going to be purchasing snow shoes and am going to get outside. I wrote a song recently with the lyrics "not a word in this great big outdoor living room". If you know me at all I am usually an indoor cat but I'm begginig to feel like real living happens outside of my man made cage I keep myself in. Join me?

In browsing the kayak section of the web, I found this picture (I discovered this summer that I like kayaking and being on the water (not in the water)):



YIKES! ..I'll stick to lakes.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Stuff is not enough!..to make us happy

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Blogging loves! Check out this website and the video 'the story of stuff'.

Me the whole vid: "WHAT! NO! YES! THIS GIRL'S MA HERO! WHAT!"

I believe in this so so much.

Let's all find our place in the linear to help. Seriously.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

b-b-b-back again

Hello lovers,

How have you been?

Oh you know, I'm doing well. Busy is all.

This past week I started my new job so I thought I'd fill you in on some little deets as to what I do and all. I know your immediate thought of a 'crisis nursery' is where the wahmbulance brings all the whiny boys and men to one place so they can be treated for the common cold or minor cuts and bruises because they are the biggest babies when they are sick, but it's not. They have wives for that.

I don't know where that came from, sorry guys.

The Children's Cottage Crisis Nursery. CCCN not CNN. Here are the official details:

http://www.childrenscottage.ab.ca/Programs/CrisisNursery.aspx

Here are the unofficial details of my job (yet accurate) recounted by yours truly:

My job is to care for children (and families, in a way) who are admitted to the program. Some children are brought voluntarily by their parents for a short term stay of up to 72 hours. Other children are apprehended by social services and are brought to the crisis nursery because foster care is unavailable. These children stay until a placement is found for them so they may be at the Children's Cottage for weeks. The nursery is basically this really big house that accommodates up to 12 children at one time from ages 0-8. 0? Yes, I've seen it all even in my first week there.

There is much to do in a 12 hour day shift (7 am to 7 pm) or a 12 hour awake night shift (7 pm to 7 am). Answering crisis calls, spending an upwards of an hour admitting children which includes gathering stats from the parents, offering resources or goal setting, collecting information on the child(ren), drawing a genogram (a symbolized family tree), doing a health check (viewing the child's body to chart any bruises, cuts, scrapes, rash and the like), bathing/feeding/playing with/diapering the babies and children and cleaning (those dirty diapers don't throw themselves away).

Maybe reading all my friend's facebook status re: only their children every.single.day or listening to them all talk about which formula they've chosen and why has benefited me in a way.

I'm basically a part time mother and it is slowly convincing me that I may not have to become a mother at all since I get my fill at work. There are so many children who need care, why make a new batch. I foresee adoption in my far off future.

The days/nights are long but the work is worth it. Tantrums occur often, screaming babies is the music to my workday and hard questions like "is my mom ever going to come back for me?" are answered frequently but never easily. I have a huge deal of respect for the women (because there are no men, yet) who work there and have been for years. I also am IN LOVE with volunteers who make my day ten times easier even if just holding a child.

I'm the rookie who still has a lot to learn and is internally shocked while holding a baby who is looking at me like "you aren't my mom" and I don't pretend to be. That's why I feel like "go ahead and have your tantrum. It's alright. You deserve to be thinking about you right now". This past week I've felt like having my own little tantrums outside of work but if the worst thing that's happened to me in a day is that my shower is cold or that I don't want to get up at 5:30 a.m, I'm doing pretty good.

Sometimes I stare at a sleeping baby and pray over them and into them a fulfilled life. I am blessed to be where I am. I am hoping to remember this when the excitement of a new job has worn off and my whits end is frayed.

The best news about my job is that because we work such long hours, we get a lot of days (and every 7th week) off. I'm hoping to spend more time in Edmonton, Canmore and even your local city if it's neither of these two. I'm also hoping on my days off I can take up some sort of sport. Maybe like virtual basketball or something. Actually, I'd like to get fit so I can pursue more outdoorsy activities in the summer like hiking and kayaking. Another current goal is save money to travel and travel to save. I had a few tricks up my sleeve waiting to see the daylight of reality. I also am hoping working at the Children's Cottage will help me decide if I'd like to go back to school or not.

There you are! So by day I'm a child support worker and by night I'm ....a child support worker...because my that's how my shifts work...

Questions? Put 'em in the comment box and I'll answer 'em.

Love.