The day I said good-bye to bread.

Wheat. Something I used to enjoy that I can no longer put in my mouth. It's now added to the list of other things I've been told not to eat. Paste, play dough and yellow snow.

About a month and a half ago I learned I was Celiac. I have an autoimmune disorder that acts like an allergy and destroys my small intestine. The small intestine is where your body absorbs its nutrients. It's kind of important.

Finding out I had a wheat allergy was a relief. Mostly because my doctor told me nothing about it. I asked him for information and he told me to google it. "google?" I said, "do you not have a trusted site or a pamphlet?" no. He didn't. I did what I knew I had to do. Chapters. And after looking like I was a five year old lost in a grocery store a book genius came along, held my hand and directed me to the right section reassuring me that some sausages didn't have fillers and that at least I would feel better.

My happy "hey guess what! I'm Celiac and that's why I feel like crap" texts turned into"yeah, it's not just wheat, it's all gluten and I have to throw out my toaster" texts. Being gluten free is so much more than just avoiding wheat. It's avoiding:

wheat-bread crumbs-coating mixes-panko-barley-barley malt-bulgar-couscous-dunum-einkorn-enimer-farina-farro-graham flour-kamut-kashi-malt-matzo-modified food starch made from wheat-orzo-pastina-rye-seitan-semolina-spelt-triticale

so most of these things I wouldn't eat on a day to day basis but did you know that smarties have gluten in them? soy sauce? some chocolate? and if it doesn't have a label, I can't eat it. If it wasn't prepared in a place where I know it wasn't cross contaminated with gluten, I can't eat it.

The good thing is I am learning so much about what is actually in our food and how many fillers (often containing gluten) are put into what we eat to cut costs.

It's been a hard transition. It's easier to think of all the things I cannot eat instead of all the great things I can eat (which there is a lot). There are a lot of meals I already used to eat that are gluten free but like the forbidden fruit, when you know you can't have something, you want it.

Another great thing is that there are a lot of gluten free items available most places than there used to be. Yes, some of them taste like cardboard but not all of them and while I've squandered my life savings on finding the perfect gluten free cookie, it's worth it to know I'll someday find it.

So there it is. The new and improved Meaghan should complain less about feeling after eating, you might just have to put up with more pouting about the food she orders at a restaurant and the inconvenience of making her a meal at home.

The best thing about being Celiac is that I can reverse the damage that's been done to my body by simply being gluten free forever. It isn't out of my hands. There are also "support groups" to help Celiacs become accustomed with their new life change and while I wanted to introduce myself like this"Hi, my name is Meaghan and I've been gluten free for 3 weeks" in attempt to make fun of the idea of a support group, I actually found it quite comforting.

So, if you have any questions, feel ill after you eat or want to high-five me because you too have an allergy, leave me a comment or get together with me for coffee. I'd love to chat.

En-light-ened!

So, this little lady shares a one bedroom apartment with the lovely Marissa and so in the mornings when I get ready before the crack of dawn I turn the hall light on so I can see into our room to gather my clothes to get changed.

If you know me you know that it is rare that my clothes hang in a closet or folded anywhere let alone the dresser drawers. I keep my clothes in a laundry basket (or beside it depending on my mood) at the end of my bed.

The laundry basket is wonderful because when I go home to Sherwood Park or to Canmore I simply pick it up and put it in my Jeep.

Though some light is shed into the room it is difficult to tell what shirt is which, if my clothes are dirty or where the heck that belt went to. The bottom of the hamper is churned up like I was mixing flour into butter. The bottom of the contents are scooped under my hands and brought to the top or perhaps just dumped onto the bed (though this is not my preference).

Every time I have to send a search party for my basic black tee and a pair of clean knickers I think to my self:

"Lord, this is what life is like when I don't invest into our relationship. I know you're here, I can even feel you but if I just had a little more light, a little more perspective, a little more understanding I would be able to see what I have my hands into and execute this plan with a little more stealth and grace"

Sometimes I live life the difficult way but not on purpose and then I'm angry when it doesn't make sense.

I clearly can't turn the bedroom light on when Marissa is sleeping but I do have access to more knowledge when it come to Christ.

My friend Chantelle recently posted this on her facebook as her status:

I liked this query.

I'm not sure why groping a full laundry basket in the dark reminds me to read my Bible and to sit with God but it does.

When I open those scriptures the light turns on.

Speaking of my roommate and open flames. Way to go on lighting your hair on fire today. Sad I missed it.

Love to y'all,

Meaghan Ellen

XOXO

Quarter-life crisis, not an option.

So I have been longing to blog these days but haven't had a. the motivation, b. the time (?) not true... or c. inspiration or d. all of the above.

Do you remember that choice on multiple choice tests? It always felt like a trick but then again every time I am asked a question I feel like I am being tricked or tested.

There's a new one for Halloween "trick or test"...





child 1 "I got so much candies in my bag last night!"





child 2 "luuuckyyy. All I got were these Chinese finger traps and pregnancy tests"





...not my best idea...





moving on.





There are many things (besides blogging) that I have been wanting to do these days and my routine this year has been to write it down when I find something that I want to do so that I can remember to accomplish it. I have a list of places I want to go, a list of general things I want to do and then there is THE list.





As some of you may know from either reading it in here in an earlier post or from me taking incessantly about it, I have developed a list of 25 things I want to do in my 25th year.





The rules are the night before my birthday I had to compile the list and make no changes to it after the clock struck midnight. Once the list is made I have to do everything on the list no ifs ands or buts. I made the list with two of my best friends as consultants and took some of their suggestions but left most of them out (you girls know why.)





I have to say this list has truly changed my life. I don't know if it's the sense of accomplishment I get from completing the goals or if it is the realization that I needed to do something about living in the now. I never live in the now. I spend my time regretting the past and mostly anticipate the future. Even if I am enjoying what I am doing in the present, I'm thinking about what's next never really savouring what I once wished for; the moment I actually have.





My list has not only allowed me to plan and accomplish the things that pass me by with time and conquer the things that I fear but it let's me enjoy the moments. When I'm crossing something off the 25 I take joy in that moment. YES! I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, THIS DAY, THIS YEAR!





Not only does this give me joy but 6 other people have been inspired to do the challenge for their birthdays this year too. I love hearing people excitedly tell me how awesome they think the list is and then tell me what they plan to do for their year.

Though I cannot take credit for the idea of the list I do get to see people motivated to dream, motivated to overcome and motivated to take joy in the now. I tell people everywhere I go about my 25 things in my 25th and it empowers me even more to keep checking things off.





This year, by far, has been the best year of my life. The crumpled ink marked page with things crossed off in a little book cannot take sole responsibility for this though. It is knowing this:





"This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24 (a quote from the Bible, God's written word)





God doesn't promise me tomorrow, he doesn't even promise me my next breath. He wants me to take seriously each tick on the clock that I have, not the ones that I don't have. Though a lot of items on my checklist are not serious, some of them are.





Matthew 6:27 says: "who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?". I sure can't and as a self proclaimed worrier I need to buckle down and take my moments as I have them.

Don't get me wrong. Worrying about the future is different than planning for the future. Worrying about the past is different than learning from the past.

So as I enjoy the ending of my vacation with the lovely Anna I am thrilled to have accomplished 6/25. I wanted to blog at least once on this time off and I've done it. Pictures and stories re the great Cali/Arizona escape to come.

Thanks for stopping by!

Yours truly,

Meaghan Ellen

It's like

I thought about you today

I remembered you when it was, pouring rain

water droplets chasing each other round the pane

It's like you had me in mind

Oh it's like you love me

Oh it's like you care

And when I see this all around me

It's like my doubt isn't there

I've got to hand it to you

I love the fall it's how I'm moved

Trees being stripped just to be made new

It's like you had me in mind

Oh it's like you love me

Oh it's like you care

And when I see this all around me

It's like my doubt isn't there

At the top of this mountain view

It's not invisible to you

Not a word in this great big outdoor living room

It's like you had me in mind

It's like your hand is in mine

Oh it's like you love me

Oh it's like you care

And when I see this all around me

It's like my doubt isn't there

falling again

This week I am back at the office filling in on my days off from the cottage. I am in reminiscent mode of when I first came to Calgary in the fall and things, rather a feeling, is washing back over me. I stifle a smile and roll my eyes up as if the memories are in the top right corner of the room.

Summer had gone and I was starting to absorb the fullness of autumn. Change was the title, uncertainty the thesis statement and the cursor was blinking on the proverbial page. There, then not. There, then not. Waiting for me to start typing. Something.Anything. But how do you write your life when you don't know what the hell you are doing?

I adore fall, it is my favorite season and mostly because it makes me pensive. Something rises in me. Something art, something creative. Fall changes me. It rearranges the furniture in my heart. Furniture that has always been there but looks fresh when you move it around. Perspective is funny that way, isn't it.

Often fall adds a new rug to the collection or decides to omit the antique lamp that was never turned on in all the years it's been dawning the space I lived within.

Where, I wonder, do those pieces go? To another living room or to the dump? Is some of my new collection recylced to me like the gorgeous vintage coffee table of 2009? Is someone missing it or were they glad to see that part of their life go. It inspires me and I hope it will always "work" in my space.

Fall forcibly changes me. It is out of my hands and I look forward to that. It's silly but I prefer it that way. What will it bring me this year?

Last year I think it brought me choice. I sat on choice for a while and am now wearing it in slowly. Like a big chesterfield brown with big orange flowers.

I like it now that it has grown on me and my space wouldn't be the same without it. I'm comfortable with it being there and the tacky pattern no longer intimates me. Its familiar and I am in charge because it knows I will have it covered in an instant with fresh polka dot fabric if I choose to.

I am hoping this year fall will bring me a love seat. One with deep cushions you can sink into and doesn't mind when you do.

I can hear my granmothers voice in my head "don't flop on the furniture!"...

"I'm not" I'd say. "I'm falling".

My 25 in my 25th.

Hi friend,

All caught up on my previous posts? Great!

Have I told you that I have challenged myself to do a list of 25 things in my 25th year?

Truth be told, I need your help to accomplish some of them. You in? Awesome!

Theses are the things that are left on my list that I'm going to need help with:

-touch a snake (Do you have a snake?) (..oh you..please try and be appropriate)
-help on a farm for a day (do you have a farm?)
-volunteer for a day (do you have an organization I've never helped out with before?)
-learn to make sushi (do you know how to make sushi or would like to go sushi-ing with me?)

I know what you are thinking, that's only 4 tasks, have you completed 21 so far?

negatory, these are just the things I need help with.

Things I've completed are:

-belaying
-get a facial
-go to dance class
-go hiking

There are others I don't need help with that aren't completed:

-go on a vacation
-buy five colored shirts to add to my wardrobe of black, grey and all things neutral
-read the Bible in its entirety
-finish my weight loss goal
-go surfing
-go sea kayaking
-get a tattoo

I know what you are thinking again! (no, I'm not couins with Chris Angel)

I haven't put the whole list up as some of them are personal.

I will keep you posted though on progress if you like.

Let me know if you can help!

Meaghan Ellen

Wish you were here

I'm here all the way in the Northwest Territories on a Canadian staycation. It wasn't planned this way but it's how it turned out.

You see, I should be in Calgary cleaning up children's vomit and snuggling babies but alas I am enjoying the sun and warmth of familiar faces in Hay River.

Sometimes you don't realize you needed a rest until rest happens and you are overjoyed by the silence of a house, uninterrupted sleep, scheduling nothing but visiting and being freed from any routine commitments.

I'm not sure I ever have wanted this so much in my life as I do now. A sure sign I am growing old. That and shift work is hard. A sure sign I have a real job.

Normally, when planning a trip, I cram every last moment with something in hopes of not being let down by "nothingness". Nothing is what I am here to do.

It's a good chance to catch up on sleeping, reading, resting, playing the piano in a sanctuary of none, indulging in girly magazines (I'm so into the denim trend ladies), excercise and just being. Oh, and I guess blogging. My true love is to just be (not to be confused with Anna's true love, doing).

Do you ever feel like your whole life is so crazy that even your body is out of sync. Perhaps it's not just the busy of your world but the stress or the worry or the perpetual planning. Shift work has made my stomache say "I don't know if I'm hungry, what time of day is it again?", my eyes look caved in and darkened, my skin puffy and my intestines preparing for world war 3 (I have colitis, I'm not trying to be unlady-like and gross).

It's like running so hard trying to reach a destination and when it finally approaches the brakes on your feet fail you. You just keeping running because that's all your body has known and has been pushed to do for the last however long.

This is seemingly new to me and I feel resilient bouncing back but I just wonder what kind of effect this would have on someone if it were their whole life? It certainly has made me appreciate this week off so much more. I feel like I have won the lottery. Cue game show music *You have just won a brrrrannnd new 12 hour drive to the middle of no where canadaaaaaaaaaaaa. For some you think this is crazy. For me it is really true bliss.

I know this isn't my typical type of blogging but in the spirit of getting back into the things that make me relax I hope you can appreciate this post for what it is (a little bit off, a little bit serious, a little bit like its 8 in the morning and my body won't allow me to be in bed anymore as it's all I've done in the last 30-ish hours)

I'm sure once I have wiped the smug look of my face from feeling like I have escaped normal life and they can't find me in paradise, I'll start asking myself stupid questions or a playful squirrel will inspire more blogging.

I'm not going to end now with a charge for you to seize the day or any crap like that. Get things done on your list, there's a time for everything.

Glad to be back,

Meaghan xoxo